My feeling to you...

四年后的今天。。。

2010-05-25T15:53:00.002+08:00

很快的，四年过了，可现在的我还是无法面对她。
比起往年，今年有了一些我意想不到的改变，就是她来找我了。
她对我说的第一句话，让我感到不知所措，因为她向我说了一声对不起。
当我听到这一句，它令我感叹万分，也令我哭笑不得。

一句平凡的对不起，左右了我的心情，同时还让我欢喜让我忧。
一句平凡的对不起，真让我感触良多，以往的种种浮现在脑海。
一句平凡的对不起，令我回首过去，也唤醒了心中的罪恶感。
在接下来的日子，我忽喜忽忧，算不上是喜怒无常却也令人担忧。

回首四年前与四年后，我还是无法原谅我自己。
我对你所做过的一切，是我这一生最大的遗憾。
无论如何，罪恶感始终存在。
不管什么，它将无法被弥补。

又过了一个没有你的日子...

2009-08-29T17:56:00.002+08:00

很快的又过了一天,只能说没有你的日子好难过...
听说你最近心情不好,有点乱, 有点慌,可是我却不在你身旁...
为了什么??? 我不大清楚,虽然我很想知道,可是我尊重你的私人权...

你懂得把握就是思念,你不懂得把握就只能怀念...
思念和怀念总在一线之间, 而我就是那个只能怀念的人...
怀念一点也不好玩,它能左右你的思想和性格...
就如人所说的情绪化,随时随地都有可能会改变...

可是当一个人没有了怀念,它很可能变的什么都不是...
他将变的如同一无所有,和倾家荡产没啥分别...
为什么呢??? 道理很简单,因为他失去了他的目标...
甚至于那是他的生活动力,没了它,就好比世界末日已经发生了...

最近的妳, 还好吗???

Happy Day...

2009-08-18T13:44:00.003+08:00

Today is my happy day, is not because of anything best done to me but i receive a suprise this morning... Anyone can guess it??? Haha... you are right, is a dream... why today i say is special because she appear in my dream again, suprisingly she appear TWICE today... Muahahahaha!!!!! by the way, because i din write down the content immediately, i'm not able to recall any content now... how sad... T.T

but anyway stil very happy... hahahaha

Once again, 7th times..

2009-08-04T10:27:00.001+08:00

Today is the 7th time i dream bout her, but too bad that i un remember any of the content...
haiz... i just only can question myself, when only my dream can come true???

13 Days After...

2009-07-27T23:16:00.002+08:00

After 13 days, no news can be follow up after that day. I realize that I miss you more than usual, I can't even answer myself what is happening after that.

Frankly speaking i was thinking to make an ending after that day, because I thinking you are really not welcome me. Therefore I think to stop, but unfortunely it is just a piece of word from my mouth only. Untill today, I only understand that I will never make it, it is so hard and it is a thing that i wont do it at all. The situation is just like a tree, it will never remove unless I burn the whole thing and I was thinking that if this really happen maybe there is the time I should end my life. Is not I can't but I don't want to do it, like i said it is my only "property".

The more I saw the more I think,
The more I think the more I Miss.
Without surprise I will dream for the 7th times and more.

However, anyone can give me an idea/solution what should I going to do next. I got no idea what should I do for following step, should I just disappear like this? or I need to do more? for example?

Stress...

2009-07-14T22:49:00.002+08:00

Stress... I am really stress...
Now my life is full with stress...
I couldn't stand it anymore,
but what can I do to cure this???

I don't know why, start from yesterday onward i am really stress... I stress without reason, I stress without purpose... I was curious, I was wondering what is happen to me... This condition is never happen on me, but why now this is happen... i was thinking, should i continue living??? I can't find the meaning of living instead, but why should i stay alive??? Haiz~~~

"I can even get one for you which is the style that you like the most, but I can't... I know you wont allow, and i can't even offer to you... I want to cry, but why i can't do so... Is it because i am a male??? or I cannot do so.... Reason is???"

What I have done???

2009-07-14T00:02:00.003+08:00

Through out this few years, I am totally no idea about what is happen to her within this period. I jealous my friend because they can stil see those who they love, they got plenty of way to meet, see, chat with their beloved. But, why i don't have??? Why i got to stay lonely??? Why no one can help me in this??? Sometime i feel that I am a Dangerous person, because I can have different face when i face different people in different situation. I told myself, if one day something serious is happen on me, I believe I stil can smile and act like nothing is happening. Sometime I quite agree with what my friend told me, he say I am a cold blood monster (No Emotion). Don't you feel that's is scary??? But I feel it is scary.

Since I don't know about her, I create my own way to know about it. Not spying, No private inspector, but only my brain. If i want to know anything, i analize myself. Sounds ridiculous right??? but it is true, this is what am i doing in the past 24/7 in order to know about her. Since last year, she start to edit her shoutout daily. This is the sources i use to analize her emotion daily, through the way she type, I can read her feeling on that day. Although I cannot guaranty it is 100% accurate, but I believe the accuracy is 80%-90%. In February 11, 2009, she reused her space to blog again. This is a great news for me and it is another new source to know her more. After that day, I follow her blog daily. I think i can consider myself as a loyal blog follower, because i checking it at least 3 hours to follow the latest post. I copy down each new post and shoutout to further analize it (want to learn how i make it???).

Today, Jull 13, 2009. Early morning i click on her post to see any further renew on content and coment or not, i only realize. I being Block by her, I can't read her blog without her authority. I was shock, in begining i though it wan just an accident. I keep trying to access for whole morning, I knew it, I almost cry. At the end, I told myself it might just a accident, or maybe something wrong to MSN server or my com. So i send her a message request for authority to read her blog, and I go have a shower to attend one appoinment with doctor, to get some treatment for my leg. After i done everything and back at night, I try again but I still couldn't access to it. I thought she not yet approve so Ijust wait for it. While waiting, I found out she update her shoutout and request for help. so I type a message on her notes and i get reply after 30 minute. The message that she reply is really make me shock, after I rad through that notes I only realize that she is purposely block me from viewing her blog.

I couldn't understand why she do so, I keep asking myself what I've done. How come she will so angry with me until block me away, i stil remember in the block she wrote that her mum is not around and she is not happy. I wrote her a comment to cheer her up, I still remember the content is

"hey gal, relax and take it easy... I know you can handle it..."

few hours later she change her shoutout

"u asked me why i dont smile.. the answer is simple.. because i'm unhappy and i don't think its funny at all!!!"

I believe I being block by her after she post this shoutout, but i feel my comment is nothing to do with this. I really couldn't understand what is happening, everything is come so sudden and make my mind blank for quite a long time.

Anyone can answer me,
What I have done???
What I have done that make her so angry with me when i din do anything???

Anyone???

I have a Dream...

2009-07-04T16:24:00.001+08:00

At midnight of 3rd of July, I have a dream.
A dream that refresh my memory,
A dream that cure my "pain" for a moment.
Who was in that dream???
Whoelse??? Of Course is The Only ONE~~~

Honest to say I dun really like to dream, because human can't store dream for long time. once you woke up from bed, 80%-90% of the content will be missing. That's wasn't a good feeling right??? Otherwise, most of the dream, when it comes to the best part or the moment that you wait for long long time, you will be AWAKE and you will say NOOOOOO~~~ because your "story line" is being stop and it can't continue anymore. F***

However, although I just can remember part of the dream but I like it a lots because in the story in that dream is a thing that i want to do since long time ago, but due to no opportunities and I got no guts to do it so it was kept in my heart for long long time.

The content is:
I was a secret agent assign by federal goverment.
One day, I receive a "project" and the job is really dangerous until i got to sacrify anytime... (Sounds ridiculous ya... haha) So before I die i want to settle down everything that i not yet done, therefore i date her out in a very nice restaurant. I wear formally and they are few agent come along with me, I choose a place and wait for her. It is mixture of feeling at that moment, Happy, Sad, Nervous and etc. Finally, she is coming. OMG!!! She is stil so beautiful as usual and she appear like an angel. I stand up and serve her for sit and order some drinks. after few conversation I straight get in to main title. I explain to her what I did previously and the reason i do so, it is take for quite a long time. At the end i apologize about it, I stand up and bow then i walk away because i not really think that she will forgive me. I just can say what I do previously is really ridiculous and it is over the limit, therefore if she din forgive me i just can blame myself. However, atlaest i already told her and explain about it. While i walk away, someone is draging my hand and i was shock, i stop moving and turn see who is the one pulling my hand. suprisingly is she, she pull my hand. i was shock and "stone" right there for quite sometime. afterward, She walk along with me. we walk for quite sometimes, i turn myself, hug her. My tears is drop at the same time, i kissed her forehead. Then i walk away and go for my project.

I wake up on time, and this is what i still remember.
haiz...

Oh my God...

2009-06-15T10:22:00.002+08:00

Oh My God...
i knew that it is something wrong with you...
i knew that you are suffering since few day ago...
but i nvr knew that it is that worst...
heard that you d consult for twice...
but still dun help any...
haiz...

i have all the blog that you wrote...
i did copy down and save in another file..
recently i saw that you are being play by someone...
i guess i know who is that...
i just cant imagine that he can do that on you...
argh... "someone" just make people angry about "someone"...

i know that i can offer you some help...
and the help is what you look for since long time ago...
but the thing is how i want to tell you???
how i wanna let you know that i can???
the important thing is how i want to talk to you...
haiz... this make me headache since long time ago...
maybe i not brave enough....
or i am really useless...

今天的你,还好吗???

2009-05-20T15:36:00.006+08:00

很快,这个日子又到了... 或许对很多人来说,今天不算是什么, 可是对我来说,今天拥有天大的意义... 如果当年我没做任何傻事的话,我们就在一起四年了... 现在的你在想些什么呢??? 你还记得我吗??? 事别三年,你改变了吗???

不瞒你说,在这段时间里,我改变了很多... 我的生活习惯,品味,甚至于我所有习性都不一样了... 因为妳,我改了... 虽然改了,可我还有一个东西是我改不了... 那就是对你的情和意始终如一,日日夜夜都在想你... 想念你的笑容,想念那如梨花般美丽的脸庞,想念你的一切的一切...

也让我想起了一首歌:
"我想念妳的好,"
"想念你的外套,"
"想念妳白色袜子,"
"和妳身上的味道."

"我想念妳的吻,"
"和手指淡淡烟草味道."

我好想,好想你.
不知要等到那年那月,我才能再见到你.
坦白说,我渴望那一天的到来...
因为我好想你...
我日日夜夜都想你...

鸟儿

2009-05-17T00:03:00.006+08:00

如果可以，我情愿是一只鸟儿，

可以飞越万水千山，停在你窗前的树梢。

你窗前独立的老树是寂寞的，

夜空中沉默的那轮皎月也是寂寞的。

但我不会寂寞，因为我离你是那么近，

我喜欢你窗前散发的淡淡的灯光，

温馨而祥和，

我可以真实地感受你的气息。

但我不会鸣叫，不会打扰你的清静。

我只是轻轻地梳理自己被风吹乱的羽翼，

整理自己疲惫的心。然后，

默默地站在你的窗前，静静地想你。

也许我在等待，等待你给我一个奇迹。

但我还是有一点害怕，

害怕这只是一个遥不可及的梦。

我知道，我不能渴求很多，

我只希望我能够一直这样——静静地想你，

很多时候，就这样静静地想一个人，

其实也是一种幸福、一种期冀。

佛说：前世的五百次回眸，

才换来今生的擦肩而过。

我会用一万次回眸换取与你的一次相遇，

再用我如莲的心，在某个遥远的角落静静地想你。

窗外，月光如水，

我的小屋里，早已心事堆积。

品一口香茗，让淡淡的夜曲如流苏般弥漫。

放飞心绪，

今夜，让我静静地想你，

今夜，让我静静地想你……

想你

2009-04-14T00:27:00.002+08:00

每当夜深人静时，常常会浮起你的身影。
一抹微笑；一个手势；一片话语，愉悦着此时我惆怅的心灵、明亮着我漆黑的角落，
心里总能感觉点点温馨一瞬的爱恋，也许是一生一世的最亮点。
与你的那一幕幕，象雨滴撒落在我的心田，倾刻间，也纷纷扬扬开来。

有一个能够思念的人，其实也是一种幸福。
窗外，月光柔柔如水；室内，捧一杯香茗在手；
听电脑中的音乐如流苏般弥漫四周。
今晚，我真的想你。

也许只是想拥你在细雨中漫步；或是静静的聆听一首曲子，
相拥旋舞，然后双目相视，浅浅一笑；
或是轻轻的吻你，轻轻的对你说：
“我真的好喜欢你！”就足够了。真的！　

夜很黑很黑的时候，听得到时光流逝的声音。
知道这时候的你应该是带着微微的笑睡着，
而我却还是不能闭上眼睛，
总觉得应该抓紧每一分每一秒去做些什么，
于是手中的键盘不停缀，心中的爱不停歇。　　

风柔柔的抚过，
从窗隙里伸出手来，
轻轻抚摩着夜色中孤独的我，
一颗心在外表坚强的掩护下，瞬间碎为粉末。　　　　

情到深处人孤独，爱得深也就活得苦.真的是这样吗？
又是什么让你我如此忧郁，是我们的辛酸爱情吗？
思念一个人的滋味像喝了一杯冰冷的水，然后用很长的时间一颗颗流成热泪；
我好想把世界浓缩为一个没有距离的狭小空间，总想把时间凝成在幸福的那一刻。　　

曾以为爱情就象忘川崖边的那朵白色的雪莲，
轻易伸手去采摘的结果只有两条：
要么失足跌落到无尽的深渊，永世不得翻身；
要么就彻底放弃自我，与冰洁孤傲的雪莲屹立在风雨中，相依相偎过完一世。　

年华已不再青春，
我的心灵早已被蹉跎岁月布满了沧桑，
现在只想让自已更深刻地领悟人生。

在一个人感觉心灵寒冷的时候，
真的很想有个人能给这颗心灵取暧和慰藉，共沐风雨同度沧桑…
或者陪我站在窗前发呆，一起去遥望深邃的夜空……
也许今夜无奈的痛苦是为了让我承载后半生的艰险，那么我可以快乐的告诉你：

我痛苦并快乐着！
所以今夜让我放纵的想你一次！　　
今夜让我放纵的想你一次　　
用尽我所有的思念和牵挂　　
今夜让我放纵的想你一次　　

用尽我所有的不舍和眷恋当夜幕来临的时候，
我仰望星空，对着有你的方向，
默默的对你说：
我想你了，真的好想你………

haiz...

2009-04-02T14:39:00.002+08:00

everyday when i see you are down, i dono what can i do for you...
sometime i just sitting right in front my laptop and see any changes there...
recently, you are down again and it looks like really sad...
you are changing ur status few times in a day, change the shout out as well...

i am worrying...
i think of help you but i cant?
i am thinking waht can i do...
then i post an comment on your shout out...

when i online just now, i open my mail box...
i saw your replying messge is there... i am so happy that you reply...
but whose know that, another person is also post but after me...
i only realise that you are just replying others but...

1st post

2009-03-25T22:35:00.002+08:00

recently, i keep dream about you...
while i read you blog, i think about you...
when i was free, you appear in my mind...
when i brainstorm, you are the first who pop out...
but why my dream nvr come true???
and why it seems like far away from me...

i realize, man will jealous also...
guys can moody without reason...
sometimes, guys can be more emotional than woman...
it including me...

recently, some changes happen to me...
i will talk to oneself...
no matter my subject is talking, staring and etc...
i can talk none stop...

otherwise, i become more and more emotional, speechless...
worst to worst i lost my confident to myself again...
gods... what is happening right now...
i just overcome it but now come back again... WHY!!!

i am worry...
somehow can known it as scared also...
how come i will be like that???
why???

is't because i am lonely???
i have that feeling it is...

OMG...

2009-03-22T22:40:00.001+08:00

i hate this type of condition... when she is sick but i cant do nothing... this condition is remain very long, it since 1 and the half years ago.. haiz... anyone got ideas... what can i do...

Happy birthday...

2009-03-11T21:25:00.002+08:00

First of all,
I would like to say Happy Birthday to you...
At the same time,
I wish you happy always and enjoy your Birthday...

So fast,
This is the 2nd Birthday that i can't celebrate for you...
So fast,
This is the 2nd Birthday that i can't send u a present...

I want to...
Do i stil have the chances???
I wish to...
When it can come true???

The thing that i can do right now,
Is stay quietly aside...
What can i do right now,
Is pray for you a lone...

I feel lonely,
I feel helpless,
I feel guilty,
I feel hopeless.

I feel like slap myself...

男人的眼泪．为谁留．为谁流

2009-03-11T20:51:00.002+08:00

当眼睛已经习惯了凡尘俗世的嚣喧,
当人心已经蒙上了繁华冷眼的尘埃,
当灵魂已经麻木了面具背后的真诚,
男人的眼泪,
要酝酿多长时间才能决提.
男人的眼泪,
要压抑多少岁月才能崩溃.

眼泪, 究竟包含了多少岁月的压抑?
眼泪, 究竟酝酿了多少心酸的累积?
眼泪．究竟驼驮了多少男人的尊严?
眼泪．究竟埋没了多少男人的往事?
当夜再一次蔓延,
当心再一度冷空,
寂寞会不会对我,
还有一点点怜悯和施舍.

爱与恨消失之前,
还会不会有眼泪,
来装饰我的眼睛.
情和怨远离心田,
还会不会有眼泪,
释放我内心苦楚.

爱是无边际的森林,
迷路的只是我自己.
找不到出口的悲剧,
为何眼泪没有决提.
谁为我找回我自己?

我以为,
放弃了你就等于放弃了爱.
我以为,
放弃了爱就等于忘记了你.
我以为,
心只会在瞬间为你碎一次.
我以为,
泪只在心碎时为你流一回.

相思的泪打湿无眠的枕.
相爱的人折磨失意的魂.
相牵的心感受分离的痛.
相恋的人徘徊离别的街.

原来我已看不到你了,
我的心还在为你而痛.
原来我感受不到你了,
我的眼还会为你流泪.

用一分钟去爱上你.
用一辈子去了解你.
用一辈子去忘记你.
用一辈子去为你流眼泪.

多数人的过程... 可是并不包括我...

2009-03-09T22:28:00.004+08:00

关于恋爱症候群的发生原因,
至今仍然是最大的一个谜.
不管性别,年龄,职业,体重,学历,长相和血型,
没有一个人可以免疫.

有些专家学者研究后相信,
恋爱是内分泌失调所引起.
却有别人认为恋爱属于滤过性簿,
象感冒无药可救但会自动痊愈.

不管你同不同意,
自古到今许多例子证明.
恋爱不但是一种病态,
它还可能是一种变态.

一般发病后的初期反应,
会开始是改变一些生活习性,
洗澡洗得特别干净,
刷牙刷得特别用力,
半夜突然爬起来弹钢琴.

有人每天站在阳台对路人傻笑,
有人突然疯疯癫癫突然很安静,
有人一脸痴呆对折镜子,咬着指甲,打喷嚏,
有人对小狗骂三字经.

女人突然改变发型,
男人开始每天练着哑铃.
食欲不振,歇斯底里,四肢萎缩,神经过敏,发抖抽筋,
都出现在这时期.

随着病情越来越变本加厉,
人会变得格外敏感和恶心.
写的,说的,唱的,都想天才诗人一般才华洋溢.
越肉麻越觉得有趣.

有人恋爱之后每天躲在厕所哭泣,
有人开记者会宣布恋爱的消息,
有人总是喜欢两个人躲在黑漆漆的地方,
象做了不可告人的事情.

每天忙着找人算命,
挖空心思改变自己配合对方的习性.
把每天都当作纪念日,
把自己当作纪念品.

每天漫无目的腻在一起,
言不及义也觉得好有趣.
走着,坐着,躺着,趴着都形影不离,
象是两人三脚又象连体婴.

心里想的只有你,,只管爱你.

经过一段轰轰烈烈热恋时期,
不久就会渐渐开始痊愈.
两人开始互相厌倦,
互相攻击对方缺点,
所有甜蜜都随风而去.

然后开始从错觉和误解中清醒,
惊讶自己为何如此不聪明.
为了爱情不管一切,
不顾父母,朋友,姐妹兄弟开始感到后悔不已.
然后开始感到疲惫,沉闷,气喘,心悸,牙痛,头痛,梦呓.
然后是精神不济,瞳孔放大,脾气暴躁,四肢麻痹,
终于受不了要分离.

虽然结果颇令人伤心,
了解之后也没什么了不起.
爱情终究是握不住的云,
只是我想要告诉你:

在我落寞的岁月里,
你的温柔解脱我的孤寂.
带给我深深的狂喜,
如此颤动我的心灵.

轻轻诉说爱你爱你爱你爱你.
不管是黑夜或是黎明,
不管是梦中还是清醒,深深爱你.

多么幸福让我遇见你...

Calmly thinks about you...

2009-03-09T21:31:00.002+08:00

I can't stop looking in your eyes,
But my words don't come out straight.
I don't know what to say, no.
On Monday, I tell myself u got to wait.
Dave, don't rush it. Don't anticipate.
Take it slowly, it’s ok it's ok.
I just want a chance to know you,
To know the love you have inside.
And I don’t want to look back on life,
To see this missed opportunity,
Even at the risk of looking like a fool to you.
On Wednesday I casually walk on by,
To find that you're not there,
I act like I don't care.
But on Friday I catch a glimpse of you,
I tell myself don’t hesitate.
You just walk up and say hello! Say hello!
I just want a chance to know you,
To know the woman deep inside.
And I don’t want to look back on life
To see this missed opportunity
To get to know you,
Even at the risk of looking like a fool to you.
I just want a chance to know you
To know the love you have inside

Will I ever know your heart?

心境,心灵,心思

2009-03-09T02:44:00.001+08:00

我对妳的思念, 是我无法停止的作业.
我对妳的思念, 也是我唯一的心灵寄托.
我对妳的思念, 我相信没有人能明白.
我对妳的思念, 也只能深藏在心灵深处.

两年了, 我对妳的思念丝毫未减.
两年了, 我对妳的关心也持续上升.
两年了, 我对妳的热情还在默默增加,
两年了, 我对妳的期盼也相应的提高了.

在我脑海里, 充满了妳的身影.
在我脑海里, 也充满我对妳的记忆.
在我脑海里, 拥有我们之间的种种事故.
在我脑海里, 也记载了我们之间的点点滴滴.

对你的思念...

2009-03-02T00:15:00.003+08:00

Title:Long for you...

Everyday when we meets,
We used to communicate in spoken language.
When we can't see each other,
We used to send message by MSN.

When times goes by,
Our distance gap is increasing.
MSN is no longer usefull,
Mobile phone come to picture.

We using mobile phone,
Connect from place to place.
Using day and night,
Speak and talk to each other.

At the moment when you decide to leave,
It is also end up our communication.
Waiting period is increasing,
From seconds, minutes, days, or even months.

At last, the condition is become worst.
Only one channel is usefull.
whch is live in memory,
and that is painfull, that is hurt.

每天见面时，你我用的是话语来联系。
看不见的时候，可以用MSN互传讯息。
当网络繁忙，手机就成为替代品。
正当你选择离开的那一刻，我们的距离变得更长更远。
简讯传达的时间从数秒，数分钟，数天，甚至数年的增加。
到最后，已经到了只能依靠思念来维持感情的悬崖上。
这胸口上的痛，是那么的明显…

做你的男人

2009-02-24T23:52:00.008+08:00

Title: Be your man

东京, 纽约, 每个地点,
Tokyo, New York, Each location,　　
带你去坐幸福的地下铁.
Bring you to monorail of blessness.

散步, 逛街. 找电影院,
Toddle, Shopping, Look for cinema.　　
累了我就帮你提高跟鞋.
I will carry your high hill while u tired.　　　　

塞车, 停电, 哪怕下雪,
Traffic jam, No electricity, or even Snowy.　　
每天都要和你过情人节.
Yet, still want to spend valentine with you.
　　　　
星光, 音乐, 一杯热咖啡,
Stars, Music, A cup of coffee.　　
只想给你所有浪漫情节.
Just to give you all romantic moment. 　　　　

让我,
Allow me,
　　　　
做你的男人, 二十四个小时不睡觉,　　
To be your man, not sleep for 24 hours.
小心翼翼的保持这种热情不退烧.　　
just to maintain the fervor not turning cold.
不管外界多纷扰, 我们俩紧紧的拥抱
No matter how terrible environment is, we still hug each other.　　
隐隐约约我感觉有微笑, 藏在你嘴角.　
I feel a smile, is hidding behind your mouth...
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Do you still remember this lyric??? Song???
I did... This is the song that i sing for you...
The first... and the last...
Before i sang this song,
I train for hundred and hundewd times.
Althought my throat condition is not allow,
yet i still decide to do it.

Untill now, i still remember it was a raining night.
At that time, is about 11pm.
Before i sing,
I doing an last preparation for this song,
Train for few times, before i calll..
Get some water, ate some honey,
and have a deep breath.
I press the button.

Thanks God, You pick up the phone call.
Honest to say, I am nervous.
I turn on my brother laptop, play the song together.
You are silent at the time, just silent.
I sang the song.
Once it finish, I told u that I Love You.
I end the call.

My tears felt down...

我赞成思念是一种病,无药可救.

2009-02-21T02:26:00.003+08:00

Title: I agree feeling of miss is a type of disease that can't cure by any medicine...

It is a painful night again... I running out of idea how should i start my post, i really dun know... lots of thing in my mind today, i was in nervous, blur, mixing, and complicated. Sometime i don like to post because i can't describe my feeling in word except Chinese. too bad, you dun understand.

This morning (20/2/09), i log on my facebook and surprisingly(for me at least) i saw you tagged in some picture. I click on it straight away and view the picture, i am nervous because at last i can see you... due to my "perfect" Internet connection, i have to wait for 5 minutes for the particular picture, i am really nervous. while i see your picture, my heart is painful and it really pain... you holding a fire cracker(maybe it should not known as fire cracker) and fire cracker makes u looks even prettier(Angel). your smile is so nice, and you looks happy in that picture... (I am happy too...)

i feel pain because i giving u a bad memory last time, i feel guilty because i failed to control myself at that period. what i did, makes u hate me, dislike me and angry with me. Although u din describe in world, convert to voice clip and etc. but i can feel it. i can feel u not really happy when u saw my message (maybe i think too much, but that's the feeling i get). every time when u reply my sms, email and comment. haiz... hate myself...

every time i see u smile. i feel happy too. At the same time i also feel jealous and angry as well. I feel happy is definitely because u are happy, no matter how sad am i, how angry am i, once i saw u smiling and my sadness will be gone, my "fire" will disappear. Maybe that's what people said Power of Love. i feel jealous because i am not the one who beside you. i only can see you from dreams, pictures that u tagged and post in facebook and friendster, people profile that content your picture. i consider myself failed in my life. i feel angry because i spoil my own opportunity, but when i realize, everything is too late...

i become very scared, describe in rude way can say that i got no guts when i face you, talk about you, when people discuss about you. i also can't understand why, every time i decide to avoid on those topic but my mind keep telling me that i wanna know more bout you recently. I blame myself every time i read your post in Blog and MSN because i feel myself is useless. I can't do anything when i know you are in stress, pressure, sadness and get scold by others. i feel myself is useless. haiz... I consider my self really useless

Anything that i can do to change this condition despite ask me to forget everything??? I can't live without her, Please don ask me to throw the only things that i having right now, which is my memory. i can forget everything, but not my memory to you please. although thing is pass for quite long ago, for me i still feel that it just happening few days ago. Auch!!!

but at least i still can refresh the memory when i miss you, when i think of you. I know, i am living in my own world. but this is the only thing i can do for now to temporary cure my

I understand i got no right to demand anything, but...

You...

2009-02-18T22:31:00.007+08:00

What is called the beginning
What does the "end" mean
Definitely we will never find out

Good Times, Bad Times
Rainy Days, Bright and Sunny Days
I have had more than enough

No matter what my day may be
I have always thought about you
Telling me to stop
Is definitely an impossible mission

Your voice
Your face
And your smile
Will always be the main element
That brightens my day

As the days go by
I want to see your face
Wish to hear your voice
And listen to your laughter
As long as the sun is up in there
I will forever long for these elements

Because of You

2009-02-17T00:44:00.003+08:00

You remind me of a flower,
Pretty, inside and outside.
A reason why people smile everyday,
A gift to all.

You remind me of chocolate,
Luscious and sweet.
Someone people can turn to in crisis,
Loved by all.

You remind me of a teddy,
Cute and huggable.
Someone people feel comfortable with,
Special to all.

You remind me of a balloon,
Happy and bouncy.
Someone people can have fun with,
Enjoyed by all.

You remind me of a lot of things,
But nothing can compare to the real person,
A female I can look up to,
Cherished by me.

14 February that without you...

2009-02-15T01:32:00.000+08:00

This is for you...

Haiz ... ...
so fast,
i just pass the second valentine without you.
i hate the feeling.
i feel lonely,
i feel nothing,
i feel meaningless in my life.
since the ending of our relationship,
my life is out of target.
i can't get the the reason why i still alive.
i feel like I'm living without ambition,
i feel like I'm wasting my time.
i can't stop missing you,
i can't stop think bout you,
i can't stop imagine bout you,
and i can't stop dream bout you.
for the pass few years,
since i holding driving license until now,
i never stop myself to "visit" you until now.
although i live in my own imagination,
my own world,
i still happy that you're inside.
i can't run my life without you.

for now,
i proud to announce to everyone including you.
I Love you,
since the day i say I Love You,
i never regret,
never stop to give you my Love.
i told my self,
this Love will continue until the end of my life.

although is a bit late,
but i believe it is still meaning full.
i prepared a flower for you
and i would like to say
Happy Valentine

P.S I Love You...

Your Name...

2009-02-10T00:50:00.000+08:00

I wrote your name in the sky,
but the wind blew it away.
I wrote your name in the sand,
but the waves washed it away.
I wrote your name in my heart,
and forever it will stay.

***I Love You***