我赞成思念是一种病,无药可救.

Title: I agree feeling of miss is a type of disease that can't cure by any medicine...


It is a painful night again... I running out of idea how should i start my post, i really dun know... lots of thing in my mind today, i was in nervous, blur, mixing, and complicated. Sometime i don like to post because i can't describe my feeling in word except Chinese. too bad, you dun understand.

This morning (20/2/09), i log on my facebook and surprisingly(for me at least) i saw you tagged in some picture. I click on it straight away and view the picture, i am nervous because at last i can see you... due to my "perfect" Internet connection, i have to wait for 5 minutes for the particular picture, i am really nervous. while i see your picture, my heart is painful and it really pain... you holding a fire cracker(maybe it should not known as fire cracker) and fire cracker makes u looks even prettier(Angel). your smile is so nice, and you looks happy in that picture... (I am happy too...)

i feel pain because i giving u a bad memory last time, i feel guilty because i failed to control myself at that period. what i did, makes u hate me, dislike me and angry with me. Although u din describe in world, convert to voice clip and etc. but i can feel it. i can feel u not really happy when u saw my message (maybe i think too much, but that's the feeling i get). every time when u reply my sms, email and comment. haiz... hate myself...

every time i see u smile. i feel happy too. At the same time i also feel jealous and angry as well. I feel happy is definitely because u are happy, no matter how sad am i, how angry am i, once i saw u smiling and my sadness will be gone, my "fire" will disappear. Maybe that's what people said Power of Love. i feel jealous because i am not the one who beside you. i only can see you from dreams, pictures that u tagged and post in facebook and friendster, people profile that content your picture. i consider myself failed in my life. i feel angry because i spoil my own opportunity, but when i realize, everything is too late...

i become very scared, describe in rude way can say that i got no guts when i face you, talk about you, when people discuss about you. i also can't understand why, every time i decide to avoid on those topic but my mind keep telling me that i wanna know more bout you recently. I blame myself every time i read your post in Blog and MSN because i feel myself is useless. I can't do anything when i know you are in stress, pressure, sadness and get scold by others. i feel myself is useless. haiz... I consider my self really useless

Anything that i can do to change this condition despite ask me to forget everything??? I can't live without her, Please don ask me to throw the only things that i having right now, which is my memory. i can forget everything, but not my memory to you please. although thing is pass for quite long ago, for me i still feel that it just happening few days ago. Auch!!!

but at least i still can refresh the memory when i miss you, when i think of you. I know, i am living in my own world. but this is the only thing i can do for now to temporary cure my

I understand i got no right to demand anything, but...